Wednesday, May 19, 2010

"It's Too Late, To Turn Back Now"

27 weeks pregnant is most certainly too late to reconsider the timing of having a third child. I just keep telling myself that my mini breakdown today is the direct result of four straight days of caring for two sick toddlers who are whiny, snotty, coughing messes and refuse to be awake without crying. I know that the level of exhaustion that comes from being woken up 2-4 times in the middle of the night by coughing fits is enough to run anyone's patience a little thin during the day. And I know that sometimes food just goes to waste when you present it to a fussy toddler who doesn't want to eat anything - no matter how lovingly you prepare it for him.

All that aside though, I also know that my mini breakdown is a direct result of the stress that I'm under that's caused by LIFE right now... and the progression of one more week into this pregnancy isn't really helping. Let me give a brief summary of what needs to happen before this baby boy makes his appearance:
  • Charlie will finish his current rotation in Atlanta
  • He will interview for the positions he has applied for
  • He will travel to and from these interviews (mostly out of state) and I'll fly solo while he's gone
  • We'll get word of whichever job(s) he's offered
  • We'll weigh the pros and cons of the offers (hopefully it's an easy decision) and choose a city where we'll settle
  • House hunting, negotiating on price and closing on a house [mental math says that even signing an agreement on a house TODAY wouldn't allow us to close until I'm 31-34 weeks pregnant]
  • Organizing, packing, moving to the new house
  • Charlie starts his brand new job
  • He travels to CT for training in July for 5 days, me flying solo again
  • Finding a new doctor and changing insurance for the third time this calendar year
  • Figuring out an emergency plan for the boys when I go into labor
  • Having a baby

That's an awful lot to accomplish in a maximum of 13 weeks from today, especially since the interview process is just starting and there's no reason to think that we'll have a clue of what's going on within the next couple weeks, though I'm praying that I'm wrong about that.

It's just a lot to process and even more to feel like you have no control over any of it. Being stuck in the house and having to skip playdates, church and other fun activities because of the aforementioned sick kiddo dilemma is just adding to my loneliness right now.

Time is marching on and I feel like a passenger on a train that's moving too fast. I was remembering the good ol' days of being pregnant with the boys when each day felt like a week had passed instead of now, when each week is flying by as if it's a day. I'm so so thankful for this healthy little boy that's on his way, but I'm also praying that we still have as many days left to work with as possible and that everything else in life starts to move as fast as this pregnancy.


Janice said...

Gosh, I'm so sorry Beth! I can't imagine th kind of stress you are under right now. I'll be praying for you:-) If anyone can do all this though, it's you!

Erin said...

Man I will PRAY for you! I just stumbled onto your blog from the 1+1+1 site and I love it! I have 9 month old twin girls and I can't imagine having all that going on at once. WOW! I am a former teacher turned SAHM and I can't wait to start Tot School with my girls. Just wanted to say I really enjoy reading your blog and have gotten lots of good ideas for my Tots! Good luck with everything!